Archive | March 2014

THE CYCLE OF ABUSE

 

 

 

IDKY!

But I sometimes think to myself!

The many people at anytime go through any/every type/kind of abuse there is.

Some psychical! Some mental!

Clearly! Both hurt but more than anyone knows!

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My parents were abused when they were growing up

My mom was physically abused because her dad would steal things from her mom and would blame her for it

My dad he was verbally abused because his mom asked him to accompany her to the market.

And he said no and she said “all right” and went by herself.

This was in the winter, when she crossed the street a street car was coming down the road and hit & killed her.

From that day on!

He got the blame for it!

Since that day!

Whenever the family had dinner.

They would have (Let’s say!) steak

He would be in a corner in the dinning room.

Eating soup (I’ve had the soup he ate! he made to be scalding hot!).

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Thankfully! My mom did not carry over her abuse onto me and my sisters.

But! My dad! He did carry it over unto me.

He did not do it to my sisters though!

But to me he did.

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Perhaps! It was a hint as to how he was treated when he was growing up.

IDK! If either he did not like/love he!

Because over the years!

He subtly let it be known that I was not the son he wanted.

That’s pretty easy! Considering the fact that he did not even contribute in my growing up or did he?

For the sake of not re-living the past!

I will not go into some of the words he would use on me.

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The point I’m trying to make here is!

Any kind/type of abuse can and does have an effect on us and our children.

What some of us do not understand is this!

Our parents and our grandparents and those before them and beyond!

Did not nor did we!

Carry a manual in tow when we and they were born.

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So! What did they and we do?

We carbon copied what our parents did and we to ours the same.

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As for me!

What did I do?

Amazingly! I did not do what my dad did.

I ended up being a better parent to my kids then he was to me.

As you can see!

The cycle of abuse stopped with my mom and me.

But with my dad!

Let’s just say he kept with the “Family tradition!”

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I know that even unto this day and beyond!

Parents do not want to talk to their kids about what they went through with their parents.

Probably! Because if they don’t talk about it!

The cycle will stop with them?

 

But! Even their own kids cannot understand why their parents think, say things even they do not understand.

Each and every generation are not mind readers as to how the parents before them lived.

 

I think! That the life and times of way back when!

Were in some ways easier than today.

But now with the pressures of work & family and single parenting.

The electronic devices just to manage our lives & stay in touch.

Who (or what) is putting pressure on who?

 

Is it because of what men went through as they were growing up!

That some (not all) end up with this “I am in charge and what I say goes!”

Or my favorite! “I,know what I am doing!”

It’s a neck & neck race where there are no winners! No losers!

Because we all suffer from the past!

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ARE WE INDIVIDUALISTS? OR ARE WE JUST FOLLOWING THE REST OF THE PACK?

How many times!

Have we heard these: “Too many chiefs not enough Indians!” ” Too many followers not enough leaders!”  “You either lead, follow, or stay on the porch!” “Life! Is like a dog sled team if you are not the lead dog, the scenery does not changes!”

 

In the beginning!

I was a lone wolf!

Not one for making friends, and if I did, they did not last for long.

I could not understand why that is?

In later years! I had thought that I was everybody’s friend.

Little did I know the opposite!

 

But! Over the years I learned that for me it turned out to be the best thing that happened to me.

 

I also learned that!

There were way too many followers!

Concerned about “Fitting in” the  ‘Sense of belonging” that is common in all of us.

YES! We do need people to talk to, keep us company, relate to, raise a family with, so on.

 

But! Over the many years!

It seems that in general!

We have let ourselves become weak in mind by letting people, places, things get to us.

The news media for one!

Treats us like we were born just the last minute!

And the weather is like it’s the first season we ever had!

The World! Like this is something brand new to us!

And do we have to be told each & every year about how to cope with the changing of the seasons each year?

The reality programs are no better!

Rap & hip-hop artists! Try to portray the world like “You will no way get ahead at all!”

 

What happens to us in the long & short term?

We let ourselves down!

We let all things get to us.

And thereby we become weak in our thinking.

We want others to do our thinking for us as in “Do for me”!

The only one!

Who can do it for you!

Is that person you see in the mirror and look down to the end of your shirt sleeve!

 

We do in our own way!

Love & admire!

The one’s who have come before us.

And made a way for us to live that much better.

The government heads of state, the peacemakers, the inventors, the activists and many more of them.

 

My favorites!

FDR,, JFK, Abe Lincoln, MLK!

 

It is unfortunate!

That in this day & age!

There are no real role models to look up to!

As well as leaders to follow!

Role models do fail not only themselves!

But! To those around them and us!

I have yet! To see a real, true leader comes from out of the ashes (For the lack of a better term!) and show us there is still hope to be had in each and every one of us!

 

Unfortunately! As we have seen over the way too many years and decades.

No one is worthy to even be called a leader!

 

Being your own person!

Does not alienate you from anyone!

It is those who are not sure if they should be seen by those who are!

WHY?

Because! There is this saying: “A person is known by the company they keep!”

If the meek is even seen with the strong!

Then the meek will think they are in the wrong company!

Without thinking that!

It will rub off on them and make them on the same paying field as well as them.

 

That is because we as humans!

From our childhood to our adulthood!

Are impressionable!

Little do we know that we too like/love to be with those who have that feeling of  power, independence, there own person.

It’s not impossible to be your own person at all!

 

Read up!

On those who were their own person.

They did make a lot of friends!

 

 

 

ROUTINES! OUR SECURITY BLANKET?

I can remember!

My mom she always had this daily routine of going into the bathroom and splashing her face with water and rinsing her mouth with water as well.

I never really thought about it.

But when i do think about it!

We all have a routine of doing something that either gives us this security of: “well! I made it to another day!”

Or is it that we take comfort in knowing: “This will still be here each day we live!”

 

 I think I too have a routine in getting up, going into the bathroom and going back to bed!

This was something that my mom did when I was a baby.

She somehow knew that when 6:00 am came around!

To grab me and take me into the bathroom before i had an accident!

She also did this every time before we did go anywhere for me to go to the bathroom.

And it stayed with me since.

Is it a routine?

Or my security blanket?

 

We all carry over something from our past.

Some good! Some not so good!

 

Routines!

Can be good!

In a way!

Because they are our link to the past.

(I know! Some may call it a tradition but for now let’s just call it routine(s) )

 

Things like!

Having corned beef & cabbage on St. Patrick’s day.

Turkey with all the trimmings (In the Northeast they have that and seafood as well!) during the holidays.

Easter and jelly beans, colored eggs, chocolate eggs, baby chicks (both Marshmallow and real!).

Fourth of July fireworks & all.

Labor day the so-called last day of Summer cookouts, gatherings and such.

 

The not so good routines well we all know what those are!

 

I think that!

For my mother routine was something from the life & times growing up in the great depression.

Nothing was forever.

And I guess that this was her security blanket form way back then.

 

But! Can you include those people who lived through the depression!

Who either cannot or will not even talk about it as a security blanket as to not talking about it so that it will not come back again?

 

Whatever one calls their traditions, routines, security blankets!

It is in it’s own way!

A link to the past as to who we are and where we came from that makes us….us!

 

 

SCIENCE IS COOL! BUT! ARE THE INSTRUCTORS/PARENTS?

To those of us who remember Mr. Wizard!

And the kids he had to either watch or assist in experiments.

Remember Just how really cool they were.

Then in some cities!

There were local TV stations that took up being the prehistoric version PBS.

And had science programing as well.

 

Then we had a cartoon character called Mr. Woopie who taught Tennessee Tuxedo & his partner Chumley about science.

And of course in later yrs.!

Mr. (Don Herbert) Wizard made a comeback and picked up where he left off.

And from there we has Beakman’s world.

 

The point I’m trying to make here is!

Science can be taught in a way that does make it both fun & so cool!

 

I’m sure that in our day!

We had that certain special instructor that sparked our interest in science as well as other things.

Have we forgotten those people?

More than likely not!

 

Teaching! Is more than just a job!

It is a true calling.

 

I think that the real reason that when instructors come into teaching!

They have this mental picture of them making a real, true difference in a child’s life.

Only to get disillusioned by what they actually encounter in real life classrooms.

And what do we both parents & kids get?

Trail mix!!!!

All but the right instructors to teach our kids what they need to know, understand, and stand up themselves.

 

It is unfortunate! That we even to this day!

The fact of the matter is that there are no real teachers that can help the student find their way as to what they want to be in later years.

 

But! At the sametime! There are even the parents who would rather let the education system babysit their kids and teach them what they (The system) thinks they should know!

But! we cannot just blame the system for what & how our kids turn out alone!

Look at where they come from!

Families of either a dysfunctional to broken homes, made to make it on their own!

And! What happens when it does?

They hook up with young people who they too!

Are in much the same way as they themselves are as well.

They join gangs and wheel & deal in all the things that are either illegal or immoral, unethical!

 

Granted! Not all parents are like this.

But! To those who would rather let others do their (so-called) jobs for them instead.

The main babysitter in homes is of all things!

The TV!!!!

Nickelodeon, sprut, qubo, and the like!

And YES!!! even the dvd(r) has also become the modern sitter as well.

In hopes that the young child will not venture off too far if not at all!

 

It’s a shame to say this!

But! Between the parents & the instructors!

Which one is the lesser of the two evils?

 

 

 

 

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